|[Hiatus]: Feb-May, 2011
||[Feb. 5th, 2011|07:21 am]
It's a bit astounding how, over the span of two years, one can go from completely carefree to downright obsessive about life and the consequences of not doing things when they need to be done.
I have no idea how much the last two years have sobered me up - for, they definitely have. Personal RL events have obviously contributed to that, but when I think about the major changes, the only thing I'll say is: I venture into the internet without smileys these days.
Two years ago, every time I went online, or chatted with people, or exchanged e-mails or the like, my fingers were always poised and alert over the keyboard, smileys at the ready. Apparently, smileys take the sting out of your words - or prevent them being misconstrued as something different entirely.
I leave home without smileys these days - it's almost as if I don't need them. Whether that signifies personal growth/greater self-confidence/whatever, I don't know -because I don't feel any different- and don't care. What I do care about is I don't feel the urge to use them at all when I'm talking to some people - because even without emoticons, they get where I'm coming from; so much so that emoticons start to feel unnecessary, superfluous.
I have no idea when that happened.
I almost cried a little when PM-ing/replying to some people - it's so silly that I've grown to care for them more than so many people I know in RL when I've never actually seen them. I don't know how they (or I, for that matter) will have changed when I come back, because four months is a short time compared to eternity, but a lot can happen during that time span - and contemplating that prospect is a little bit scary. And I actually feel sad that I'll be missing out on the four months of the lives of some wonderful people I've met.
This has already gotten much longer than I originally intended it to be - I feel like I'm leaving behind a little of myself here, in this little home in some obscure corner of the internet. IDEK.
I have, to the best of my abilities, taken care of all that needs to be done here, and it feels a little like... like I'm dusting the metaphorical carpet of this journal and moving out, leaving it clean and spotless for the next time I come around from my struggle with life and want to set my travel pack down.
ANYWAY, THE POINT IS: I often felt like a part of a
Mafia gang Masonic Society Investigation Squad family-away-from-family when talking to you all about the most random things. So, thank you for that~